FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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