Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
