So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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