It's Friday. Sex?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
