booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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