i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
