i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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