I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
