man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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