my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
