...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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