Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
