i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
