It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Drunk is not a location!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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