You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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