i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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