Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
