she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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