Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
