will power is for people who don't want to get laid
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize