Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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