she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
