Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
