I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Randomize
