dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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