you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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