i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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