I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
