i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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