The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
