blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
