She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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