I CAN MOONWALK!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
