Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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