I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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