Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
