i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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