I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
