You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
