there's paper in my vomit.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
