Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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