This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
