I puked a lego.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
