Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think I sprained my soul last night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
