im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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