Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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