brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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