Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
