they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you will always have a special place in my vag
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
