I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
