i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
