Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
