You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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