I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
