but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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