i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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