Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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