It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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