look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
