margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Holy shit dude........stairs
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