four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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