we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
