Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
