I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
