Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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