I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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