How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
