I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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