your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
