well I can't set my house on fire every night
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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