Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize