She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
